What did we do immediately after arriving in Scotland,
my 50th country visited in the world (the Attaché's 49th)? We did a border run to England
so the Attaché could check England
off her list and reach 50 countries as well. Yes, we are now tied! It won't
last long because we're going to Japan
in the fall and I've already been there so the Attaché will pass me and take my
self-given title of most well-traveled on earth. I don't think I'll ever catch her because as it stands she's already
gone Mexico and
I refuse to go there. My only chance of
regaining the lead is to go somewhere without her, and I'm not allowed to do
that.
And, oh, if you think you've been to more countries than us,
and you deserve the title "most well-traveled", prove it by sending me
your passport full of stamps. This
challenge has stood for many years and no one has proven me wrong. I've only heard excuses about how they don't stamp passports very much anymore. Bummer 4 u.
Back to Scotland. Or England
as it were. First off, did you know the UK is full of trampolines? No, I didn't either. They are mad for trampolines there.
Grabbing a new country wasn't the only reason we drove 2 hours to England. We also wanted to see Hadrian's Wall, built around
100 AD, Hadrian's Wall was the northernmost boundary of Rome and stretched
across the entire British isle – 80 Roman Miles (73.5 statute miles if you so
prefer). I prefer to call it Rocky's
Wall, not because the wall is rocky (which it is) but because in England,
the "H" is silent and when pronounced correctly it becomes "Adrian's
Wall". No self-respecting dufus can
say Adrian without saying
ADRIAAAAANNN! Actually, more often I
yelled: "ADRIAAAAANNN ('s wall)."
I said it at least 20 times. I think it was starting to catch on. The Attaché said, "Not funny."
The other influence I had in the UK
was my initiative to replace the slang term for the British
pound (quid) to squid, as in, "Hey there, mate, how many squids does a pint
cost?" I had mixed success. Most people understood me just fine but I got
one beer mixed with snot.
We took the trip with two friends, Pete and Astrid, who
happen to be Noodle's favorite dog sitters. Pete was driver, which gave me a rare chance to play passenger, a nice
bonus. We stayed our first night in a
B&B on a working farm. When I booked
the place, the proprietress repeated several times on the phone it was a "working
farm". I now know why. It was packed with chickens, cows and horses,
and the tractors ran until dark, which was nearly 11pm. From the farm, we took a morning stroll to a
large marsh, and were encouraged to collect wild mushrooms for breakfast. (Yes, mushrooms are often part of an English
breakfast.) The Attaché took this
assignment to heart and came back with a pound of fresh mushrooms. Here's what followed:
The Attaché, proud of her mushroom bounty: "Hey, look what I got! Can you cook these up for us?"
Proprietress, looking puzzled: "Are you having me on?"
The Attaché: "I found them in the field. We want them for breakfast."
Proprietress, now laughing:
"Them mushrooms aren't breakfast mushrooms. Those mushrooms will get you high!"
The Attaché, now beet red: "Oh. Do you want them?"
Proprietress, still laughing: "No, I don’t' want them! But I'll boil them up for you if that's what
you want!" (More laughing.) "You can have a heck of a cup of
tea!" (Laugh.)
The Attache: "I
don't want them. You keep them, or…throw
them out." Turns to me. "It's
not funny…"
Following the mushrooms, we bolted north through Glasgow
to the Scottish Highlands
and the area around Glencoe. This region
of Scotland is incredible. Green hills, green field, green valleys—the
only thing that isn't green is the sky which is as it should be. The clouds are constantly changing, and quite
literally, it can go from sun to rain to clouds to sun again in a few
minutes. This is what they call
"normal" weather in Scotland.
As an added bonus of going up into the land
of William Wallace, I got to
practice my Scottish brogue and acted out important scenes from
Braveheart. Most of my best work was in
a souvenir shop with a plastic broadsword, but I managed other great moments
during the many hours of driving. A
favorite of line of mine, that made me laugh everytime: "They may take our squids, but they can
never take, our freedom." Also,
"I'm gonna pick a fight." Variation: "I'm gonna pick a fight (with a squid)." The potential was limitless. I found it fun to mix Braveheart with Rocky,
as in, "ADRIAAAAANNN! ADRIAAAAANNN! I'm gonna pick a fight with Apollo Squid."
I can hear her now, "It's not funny…"
She might have been right. Now, to the pictures of the trip….
Scotland Photos
Comments