World Cup

It's over and I'm exhausted.

Soccer is my sport.  I've played it my entire life.  I still play today.  I'll admit I'm not the most dedicated spectator of soccer, but I am a huge World Cup fan.  Over the past month I watched about 50 of the 64 games.  I attended countless pub gatherings and parties.  I organized a World Cup Pick 'em pool with friends, and agonized over my picks daily.  I loved the excitement the US team provided.  I was pleased see South Africa put together a fantastic tournament.  It was great to see small countries like Uruguay (3.5 million) compete with countries ten or hundred times bigger.  And in my World Cup Pick 'em pool, I got to witness the Attaché (aka Soccer Smarty) take home the championship with series of bold, crafty picks.  At the start of the tournament, the Attaché could not name a single player on any of the 32 teams.  I asked her how she bettered a field of soccer experts, she said it was simple, she followed the advice of Paul the Octopus.  (No kidding.)

Sadly though, with the World Cup now finished, I've come away with a painful realization about my favorite sport.  About the world's favorite sport.

Soccer is flawed.

No, it has nothing to do with the Attaché beating me in my pool (although that is a flaw).  This is a serious criticism of soccer as a sport.  Soccer is imperfect.  If you're not a fan of soccer, I'm sure you already agree.  You compare soccer to sports you grew up on: American football or basketball or baseball.  You don't like that soccer has too few goals and you don't understand why the players can't use their hands.  You think it's a soft sport, with too much falling, too few cheerleaders, and you find yourself actually wishing for commercials.  That is not what's wrong with soccer.  All of that is what is right about soccer.    

The problem with soccer is the rules.

The laws of the game are considered some of the most simple of any sport.  But it is the simplicity that is the flaw.

Let's start with the rule concerning the referee.  There is only one referee, plus two referee's assistants.  They are responsible for enforcing the laws of the game. 

Problem is, they just can't do it right.

My suggestion: add twenty more refs.

The field is huge, much bigger than an American Football field, and having one old man racing around for 90 minutes is akin to having one cop at Times Square on New Year's Eve.  Actually, it's not like Times Square on New Year's Eve, because those people are drunk and slow moving.  Soccer is fast, the players are sneaky, dirty, and devious. Take into account that soccer is a low-scoring game and it's no wonder that a single referee error can affect the outcome.  In this World Cup, the mistakes abounded.

First there was the US vs. Slovenia game where a wrongly disallowed goal cost the US a victory.  Then there was the England goal that crossed the goal line by more than one foot yet it was not allowed, probably because the referee was not close enough to see it go in.  In the US game, it had a clear, direct effect on the result.  In the England game, it wasn't so clear because Germany won 4-1, but anyone who watched the game could see that the momentum of the game had turned with England's disallowed goal, and had that goal stood anything could have happened. 

Then there's the matter of "offside".  Offside is the only truly complicated rule in soccer, a necessary rule, but this World Cup proved that referees are incapable of calling offside consistently right.  Too often was the call missed, and goals were scored that should not have been.  I don't blame the individual referees; it's just an impossible task to expect three people to get this call right all the time.

Twenty referees.  That's the answer.

But it's not just the lack of the referees that are the problem.  There are other rule problems.

Perhaps my biggest gripe is the rule concerning an intentional handball which stops a certain goal.  This happened in the Ghana/Uruguay quarterfinal match.  In the closing minutes of a 1-1 game, Uruguay's Luis Suarez intentionally blocked a sure goal with his hands.  The rules require the referee to award a penalty kick to Ghana (which he did) and the guilty player gets ejected from the game (he did this also).  By chance Ghana missed the penalty shot, and Uruguay went on to win.  In this case, the referee did his job correctly (which is generally the case, in spite of the incredible demand on soccer referees), but the problem here lies with the rules.  It was a sure goal.  Ghana deserved to win.  Why can't the referee just call this a goal?  It's similar to goal-tending in basketball.  He can't because the rules don't allow him to.  The rules were at fault.  

As I look over the game, and realize that is it flawed, I bring the entire sport under a magnifying glass.  I don't understand why there are rules that exist but are not enforced.  For example, the rules do not allow "pushing".  Watch about five minutes of World Cup soccer and you'll see a dozen instances of pushing, and none are called.  Holding is also not allowed, and watch any corner kick and you'll see about five violations of this rule, most of which should result in a penalty kick.  I only saw one instance of holding in the penalty box called.  For whatever reason, pushing and holding are part of modern soccer, and either the rules should be change to allow it, or is should be enforced.  The goalkeeper had only six seconds to get rid of the ball after touching it with his hands.  This is never enforced.    I could go on, but I won’t because

…because I just hacked this ridiculous blog post.  Soccer Smarty here.  So this blog was SUPPOSED to be about me, and how I beat him at his own game.   Did you see how he gave me only three lines and one of them was insulting me because I can’t name any players?  Sore loser.   Then he has to go on and on about the technical aspects of the sport to show you how much he knows about soccer.  Blah, blah, blah, bad rules, waa, waa..…    He can’t come right out and say, my wife beat me fair and square in a game she knows nothing about and I feel like a dumb ass. Nooooo, he has to have some OPINION, like that makes up for him losing somehow.  I think he feels even worse because most of my picks came from cephalopod, who by the way, was 100% right in all his picks, which is more than I can say for the Hausfrau. 

So I think what you should really be getting from this post is:  ”If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”

Signed Soccer Smarty – yay me!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back, Mr. Hausfrau that is.  Don't know how the Attaché hacked my own blog.  I'll just sign off with one final comment.  The Attaché used the word cephalopod.  Dork.

Comments

[phil & valarie]

Nice recovery, Greg ... sorta. Sticks and stones are always so useful when at a disadvantage ...

[Attache]

So maybe I can't name any players but how many classes of mollusks can you name Mr. Hausfrau? Yea, that what I thought. How about bivalves, and gastropods? So who's the dork now? Ummm, well, actually.... I guess that is still me.